NHS Waiting Times

In my quest to mayor of this great city, I tell everyone I would sort out the National health service and be tough on criminals. Poeple often ask me how I would sort out the NHS waiting queues in the A+E departments. Its not difficult, here is how I would do it. The waiting times would depend on the nature of your pedicament. For example, if a man was up a ladder cleaning his gutters and fell off, well that could happen to anyone and he van expect to be seen in around twenty minutes, if a person was walking "under" a ladder,and gets hit by some one falling off a ladder, well walking under a ladder is a bit silly but it could still happen to anyone so that person can expect to be seen in around 30 - 35 minutes. if someone has been drinking to impress a woman and they climb a drain pipe up an olg derelict building and fall off half way up, thats just farking stupid and they can expect to wait about 85 minutes. If you are the person who goes into A+E with some inanimate oblect stuck up your rectum, then you can expect to wait THREE hours, because it was self induced and the nurses are busy. However, if you are type of person who gets caught with your penis in anything that aint human,then you dont get seen until you have been on every daytime tv show and explained what the hell you were doing. When it comes to crime it is also quite simple, if you get caught, first time or not, you are going to prison, you dont get to vote, you only get BBC1 and BBC2, ITV and Channel 4 up until eight thirty, then you go back to your sell until breakfast which will be tea and toast, no other choice, and dont play the religion card, the choice is do you want breakfast , YES or NO ? and if you want to worship you God, do it in your cell. If you think that is harsh, dont break the law. TOO TOUGH I hear you cry, well lets try it for six months and see what happens. I saw a program the other night and this American guy (who else could it be?) weighed thirty seven stone, and he needed hospital treatment. It took two fire engine teams just to get him out of his house and a large flat back van to take him there. Thats fine by me but if he can afford to fatten himself up to that size, send the fat git the bill for transportation to the hospital. There was a man from Leeds on tv this morning, NINETEEN motoring convictions, SEVEN for burglary, he has four children by two different woman, he had a tattoo on his forehead and was moaning that since his release last year he cant find a job. HE HAS A TATTOO ON HIS FOREHEAD. Anyway, like I said, I would like to be mayor of this great city.