THIS WEEK

This has been a right bastard week. I paid some guy to do some work to build me a second garage and the fecking tosser fell off the roof so now I have a large hole next to my house. I was walking down the street yesterday and I saw a humongous fat lady, (I think it was a lady), I moved to one side to avoid her and she moved the same way so I moved back and the fat freak moved back too, as we got closer I moved over again and the fecking hippo moved too. We almost collided. the fat beast said to me "how much bloody pavement do you want you wanker" I replied "if I could get enough to get two people your size on it I would sell it to gatwick airport for their extra runway you ugly rhino. She wasn't happy but was too fat to chase me. I stood behind some fecking loser at the cash point and three times, how many times? three times his card said INSUFFICIENT FUNDS but the fecker still kept trying. Miserable Ken at the gym was moaning about his tooth ache. I told him to go to the dentist cos his grille needs repainting, all his fangs are different colours. He moaned that his dentist had no parking and he couldnt be arsed to take the bus. He gets it FREE and he couldn't be arsed. Just so you know, my teeth are lovely. Im not keen on Ashton Kutcher taking over from Charlie Sheen on the Two and a Half Men program, its okay but it aint the same. I am doing a challenge at the gym where you have 50 days to do 25 wide grip pull ups, I'm up to 16 and I have 40 days left. The prize is one free month and a bottle of wine, and its not rubbish wine, its from Lidls. Anyway have to go now I played golf today and I was fecking useless. I spent so much time in the bushes the police came cos they thought I was a sex pest, (I am but not today). I have to cook my dinner and your all welcome, I'm having roast potatoes, chips and mash. la la la