PARTY TIME

This time last year we were all told to stay away from everyone to not travel anywhere, don't visit friends and family, wear a face covering and most definitely do not have any parties. 

Most of us did that, we followed the guidance and played our part. 

Not that fat fuck Bumbling Boris.

He decided the rules didn't apply to him and he held a gathering for the chosen few. 

How does he manage to make everything he wears look like something Benny Hill threw away?

He looks like a fly tipped mattress. 

Anyway, Christmas is nearly here and I need to think about buying some gifts.

I was looking at the Ann Summers web page, thought I'd try to spice things up in the bedroom. 

I am a fairly broad minded person so seeing sex toys and stuff didn't bother me, however, I saw the blow up doll section which I imagine is for guys who can't get a real women. I understand that, I really do, some men are so sad they take photos of trains and eat packed lunches their mums make. What I can't get my head around is blow up sheep. Who the fuck needs a blow up sheep? If you are the guy who can't get a real sheep you should not leave your home ever.

If you have to buy a blow up sheep for you to use as a lover then you are beyond help.

So anyway as I said Christmas is nearly here and the usual suspects have started going sick at work, the usual malingerers are faking being unwell so that they can have the festive season off.

Personally I don't mind but it fux me off seeing pictures of them playing golf or riding push bikes on a bike trail when they claim to be too ill to get out of bed.

On a different subject, yesterday I was in the supermarket and I heard a lady of some weight (that's me being PC and not saying 'some fat bird') on her phone telling someone it's not her fault that she is fat but being fat is like being gay, it just happens. 

No fucking way. You don't wake up fat, it's a journey you put yourself through, gay is how you are, it is in your DNA, and it does not make you a bad person, some of my best friends are gay they are intelligent and funny people who I love. Fat people tend to be obnoxious biscuit munching cake swallowing coke drinking lazy fat toads who get out of breath reading a newspaper. 

Anyway,  I am not working today, just got back from the gym and now I am about to crack open a beer  (vicious circle I know).

If I don't see you (it's probably for a reason), have a fabulous Christmas, eat, drink, get laid and try to be nice.

Please buy my E book,  A Clean Week. 

Here is an interesting fact,  a cat can jump five times higher than its tail.

LOCKDOWN? WHAT LOCKDOWN ?

 We are supposed to be in a LOCKDOWN.

Don't make me laugh coz that is absolutely not what is happening. I was at a well known supermarket over the weekend and it was packed. No one seemed to care, far too many were not wearing face coverings, the staff looked like they had just been flogged by their bosses and the shelves had the same crap they always sold. 

I then popped into B&Q and that too was busy, granted it was a Sunday and people pop out on a Sunday but they bloody well shouldn't be (me included).

There was a long vehicle queue at McDonald's and an equally long queue at KFC (don't know why coz that is shit food).

The Old Kent Road was heavy with traffic in both directions and there was a fairly long queue outside the new Deli which opened near Tesco extra, the one with the beggar sitting outside asking for money. 

I give him fuck all coz I know he has a council flat and a job as a plumber. 

It sickens me to see that scabby toad of a scrounger conning people and now I don't give to any of them in case they are lying lazy shit stains like him. 

I have travelled on the tube a lot recently and they have been packed with builders and construction workers going to work so who changed the definition of key workers?

It really fux me off to see these people in dirty paint covered clothes travelling on public transport not caring that they are messing up the seats with the mess their clothes make. I saw one painter who must be the world's worst painter, he had more paint on him than he puts on the walls. 

We need a proper rethink if we are to have any hope of getting through this. 

I walked around the Dock and again there were so many people out, many just sitting on benches smoking and drinking without a care in the world, social distancing my arse.

Anyway, let's talk about Superman. 

Here is a guy in a suit and glasses and yet he takes off the glasses and no one recognises him ( stoopid Yanks)

I wonder if he is hot wearing a hero costume under his suit all day. 

I also wonder about how he changes. He gets the call, dashes into a phone box and flies off. He saves the day and puts his clothes back on. What if while he is off being a hero someone uses that phone box and finds his suit, what does he do then?

He must get through a lot of suits. 

I wonder if he gets horny at any time. 

All that power and strength and the ability to fly, and no girlfriend, sounds like a bit of a loser to me.

Anyway, just think about how you can help to keep this virus away and no unfortunately we can't send it to France, fuck sake they would all be over here hiding in cupboards if we did that. 

Please buy my e book, A Clean Week, and my new book Easy Pickings is nearly ready. 

Here is an interesting fact, male squirrels can perform felatio on themselves (lucky).