COUNCIL PEOPLE IRRITATE ME

I am not a snob. I own a decent house and I have a decent job. What pisses me off is those whinging wankers who live in council flats and moan about things they aint got. I was in the gym this morning and this fat guy who goes there was moaning about his weight and his eqyually fat unattractive wife. This guy who I shall call Ken, (cos thats his real name)was moaning the council have put the price of his garage rent up to £12 a week. I asked him what car he had, and likea stupid moron grinned and said Vauxhall Omega. Now this fat waste of skin doesnt work and only drives his car in the rain cos he dont like getting wet. He has two daughters and three grandkids and says the car is the only way they can all travel together cos bus seats are too narrow. He boasted that he lied to his doctor so that he could get his gym membership at a discount on medical grounds. this fecking whale has been going to the gym for over a year and has not lost a pound in weight. He walks on the treadmill at a granny pace for thirty minutes then on the way home buys six cans of Stella ( ahhh stella) for a fiver, every day. He moaned that the price of oven chips has risen twice this year. Who the fecking hell eats oven chips?. He admits him and Mrs Fatwhale smoke about 40 fags a day, it used to be more but they cant afford more. Makes me want to weep for the fecking redneck bastards. Imagine a bald Robbie Coltrane with a moustache and that is what this pig looks like.
Then my other reason for disliking council rednecks are my neighbours a few doors away. I own my house, I like my house its a nice house and its mine, but..... just yards away is afecking family of bastards that make too much noise, they only go in or out in the early hours of the morning and they are always fighting. Not one week goes by with them breaking a window or ripping down their garden fence. Last week, Mr Noisybollox smashed his fence down cos his partner shut him during a row. Its a shame its illegal to shoot people cos trust me, I would spend all my fecking money on bullets and shovels, ( well you cant leave em lying there dead so I would be decent and bury them). The thing is, every week a council contractor has to come and put right the damage these lowlifes cause and it irritates me. I beg all of you, vote me in as London mayor, and I will eradicate the problem of scummy council dwellers. la la la

YOU BEING ME

How do you feel today? I bet you dont feel as great as me. I went to the gym on saturday and had a massive workout, I went to the gym on sunday and had a massive workout, I had a spin class last nite and I put in a tremendous effort and felt awesome afterwards. This morning I went to the gym again and several people commented on my high level of fitness and my workout rate. They envied me. Just like you are doing right now. I know one or two of you are kidding yourselves that you dont, but I know that you do. Right now I feel so healthy and alive and happy I just feel sorry for the rest of you.

D. LIST NOBODIES

My mate has just called me. Well he aint my mate anymore cos I told him to feck off. The silly arse rang me to see if I knew who had been kicked out of the Big Brother house. No. NO I DONT. And whats more I dont bloodywell care. I dont watch it, I never have and I never will. The people who go on that programme aint celebrities, they are, almost well known losers who dont have real lives to lead. The current crop contains a pooper with whose husband cant control her, a loser pickey who is famous for getting bashed up, two ugly twins with hair that should be cut off from the throat up and a fat bloke who has fake boobs and stomach. I pride myself on having better tatse in my TV choice. These people dont interest me one iota. I told my ex mate that after I called him a word that rhymes with front. I cant believe he would watch such drivel and I am flabbergasted that he thought I would waste my time watching it. Listen up people, these types of shows are crap, its cheap entertainment that doesnt entertain and all the while brain dead jeremy kyle type people watch them then the more occasions we will find them on telly and in our newspapers. Its time we all said NO. Vote for me, vote for me. I will save you.