Clause 9 Weekend

Monday afternoon, my mate Boris is again in the news moaning that he has not got a ticket for the olympics, he is worried that he might have to watch it all on telly ( like the rest of us mere mortals ) he has not yet taken up my offer of watching it at my house but the offer is open and will remain open, wotsername is also on the news, crying into her big mane of crazy hair, crying that she feels worthless and let down by Mr Cowell, she also said the 1.2 million quid that was offered to her as a golden handshake did not hide her humiliation to the world and she wished she had the chance to prove herself to an American audience. For 1.2 million quid I would shit in a box and rub the contents all over me on world wide tv not just American tv, but hey thats just me. I have to admit I dont care if that 12 year old gay kids chances of winning BGT is fixed or not, I dont watch it and I dont buy the resulting must have albums. Susan Boyle was good but she is still someone who does not have an album on my shelf. The papers need to focus on more important things like the weather. I need to plan my golfing diary and I need those overpaid forecasters to get it right more often. They have been close this weekend cos they said it might rain and it did but I need them to be more specific. Also I dont care where the bald prince and his wife are going to live, its not like they have to worry about getting a mortgage, it made me larf when the media said the honeymoon was over and they are both back at work. Since they have both been 'back at work' they have been to four shows, been to two countries and been invited to three parties, wow life is tough when you get married. Anyway, I'm not jealous, NO I AINT, I just wish I lived in the real world like they do, they think the whole world smells of paint and everyone you meet smiles and wants to shake your hand , where everyone wears a nice medalled uniform, well here is the the real news, I wear a uniform to work and the only medal on it costs me £26 a month and comes with a diary, ooops sorry I nearly lost it for a second, anyway its nice to see the England football team are still as good as they have always been, a draw to us is like a win, and if we all cross our fingers and wish real hard maybe Santa will give us more rain this summer. Ironically my celibate lady friend who doesn't have sex cos she is afraid of catching a disease caught E Coli from a cucumber. La la la.