SLOW AND LATE

I bloody hate cab drivers. They drive so bleeding slow. This morning the Old Kent Road was like a car park at 5am this morning. No one seemed interested in going any where fast. No one was going faster than 22 miles an hour. When I eventually got to the Elephant and Castle, there were 3 bacon vans, sorry I mean 3 police carriers doing about 18 miles an hour and no one seemed to have the balls to over take. I did. I overtook three of the vans and I was only doing 24 miles an hour. I waited for the inevitable tug but it must have been the going home convoy cos they didn't stop me. Anyway, I got to Horseferry Road and feck me two bastard cab drivers were tootling along side by side blocking the road. I tooted my horn loudly and longly, and the dopey one of the two pulled over but the Einstein of the two moved over to take the centre of the road. So , me being me I wound down my window and called the man a ' trucking front ', or words to that effect. He gave me the finger so I gave him the wanker sigh, being brave he again gave me the finger then took a sharp left and sped off. I didn't really care cos I was on my way to work and didn't want to be late. As I turned into Vauxhall Bridge Road this other numbty delivery driver whose van had rear and side doors was parked facing the wrong way so he was unloading in the middle of the street. I resisted the urge to run his stock over and swerved and finally made it on time to work. When I booked on I was informed that a derailment was causing havoc in the Croydon area. The conductor I had is known as Peter Panic cos everything is a problem for him. He was concerned about the punter moaning to him. I told him to lock himself in the back cab and hide, which he did and we had a very slow journey to the coast. It really did not faze me at all as I pulled into most of the stations and seeing disgruntled punters tapping their cheap Timexes and saying 'oi you're late' I just looked blankly ahead grinning like a mental patient. Anyway the journey back was slightly less annoying, not by much, and I'm now home having a pint of 'calm down lager' and I'm doing the same crap tomorrow. Its not that I drive fast, its just that I detest slow stoopid people.