JANUARY jIMMERS

I went to the gym yesterday. I noticed that the gym was fairly empty seeing as it was lunchtime ish and usually at friday lunch time, its quite busy with the office typed who want a quick work out before going to a wine bar. Anyway I did my workout and had my run and had this feeling that everyone had gone away. So when I got back to the gym after my run ( 2. 2 miles) I asked the receptionist why it was so quiet. She told me that as usual, like most gyms, it was quiet during December as people went on the piss or to office parties, and then membership increased in January as all the fatties who made their new years resolution to get in shape all signed up. However, the gym I use does not do yearly membership, there is not contract, its just a direct debit that can be cancelled at any time. It turns out that most of the tubbers who signed up tried the gym for a few sessions which included the first three sessions with a personal trainer and decided working out was hard work. Well thats a shock. There was one tubber, a guy named Phil who trained twice then moaned he was the same weight. One woman complained that not enough women fatter than her are members and one gay man said the gym didnt have enough pretty people. Im glad these dumb shallow heffers dont want to work out in my gym cos I like to go to the gym, do my thing then go home (to the pub). I dont want to see acres of flab rumbling around on a rowing machine, I dont want to see elephants sweating over the water cooler and how can I forget the fat ugly woman in a leotard that was streched way beyond the call of duty who kept farting while was going lunges. So, can I just thank all you lightweights for giving up so early cos it means I dont have to use equipment that has been damaged by some fat fucker who doesnt want be there in the first place. If you are a fat pig and dont want to work out , there is a great diet book out called " oi fatty, put that cake down". Its very good. Im going to have a takeaway later cos I went to the gym yesterday and im going again on sunday. Its a viscious circle but some one has to do it. La la la