COASTAL CRISPS

I was really ill this weekend. I had Man Flu. I was chucking up at one end and at the other it was like draining an old radiator. I'm sure I lost a stone and a half in body weight. Anyway, being the hero that I am, I dragged myself out of bed this morning and struggled in to work. I was coastal today and I don't like going there too often because I always feel, whats the word i'm looking for? No not superior, just different. I have even bought a fake finger from a joke shop so that at a quick glance I look like one of "them". Anyway I was in the crew room and was about to make some coffee when I noticed everyone standing around the snack machine. They were oohing and arhhing like it was a new born baby. Anyway I didn't want to disturb them so I tried to make my way through the crowd when one of them asked "has anyone tried it yet". Turns out its a new machine thats just been delivered. Someone piped up and said "no the guy has just unpacked a minute ago, I wonder if the chocolate will taste different" " ooh, I do hope so" said a female guard. Well that was it, I decided to have some fun. I looked at the make of the machine and said "excuse me folks, that looks like a Westinghouse series 4, do you mind if I try something?". One guy said "what do you want to do?" so I said, "these machines have been known to give free crisps if you know how to put the coin in" they looked at me like I was naked. I said "stand aside and watch" I looked the machine over then I smiled and "if you put 50p in at the right angle, the crisps come out and you get your money back" one of the yokels said "I dont fucking believe you", or something like that but I knew he did. So I took out a pound coin and put it in and pressed the button for chicken crisps. Out came the crisps out came 50p change. I held up the crisps and the change and nearly got trampled to death in a stampede. Anyway a few seconds later this guy put his money in and ordered a kitkat, guess what? He got a kitkat. He looked at me and growled "it dont work" I said "well it don't work on kitkats ony crisps" so another bone head put his money in and got crisps but no change. He was just as disappointed as the first guy, he said show me how to do it and gave me 50p. Again being a bit quicker than the average coastal spud I put a pound coin in got my crisps and some change, I gave him the crisps and kept the money. I said, "you have to put the coin in at just the correct angle or it won't work" just then I heard "Right, I'm going to the ticket office to get a bag of change" and this fat guy who looked like he had eaten more than his share of crisps in his lifetime (he had really bad spotty skin) ran out the room. Then I heard "wait for me" and 2 others ran after him. The rest just stood there admiring the machine. I made my coffee , picked up my bag and left. I heard one woman say, "ooh I love crisps, I'm gonna get so fat". Someone else said "me too".
Dont you just love dumb people? I love being link one sometimes. La la la