Last Thoughts

Someone has just asked me if I'm afraid of dying. Like the pervert Woody Allen said, "I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens". Personally, I dont give death much thought. People always talk about sad funerals but I think funerals are great. I think it's the time to remember all the good happy times the person in the box had when he or she was alive. Talking about death can be very depressing, unless you are a West Ham fan, then its probably a better subject to be talking about. But I like to dwell on the good things in life, for example, do you ever enjoy a really good dump? I mean the kind of headstrainer that takes a good ten or fifteen minutes and there is no one else in the house so you can make as much noise as you want. What about when you are leaving for work and you see the breakdown truck arrive at your horrible neighbours house and you just know that they will be late for work and the car repairs will be expensive. I like those times. I like getting crisp ten pound notes from the cash point machine and not those sweaty wrinkled notes the shop keeper tries to palm you off with. I always ask for better notes and when he refuses I just buy something really cheap and give him the manky note back. Its not much but the look on his face makes me happy. Its like watching "You've Been Framed" its nice to see Americans making complete fools of themselves but its much more fun when they hurt themselves in the process. Life, as they say is too short. Worry about death when your old and be happy when your not. If my doctor told me I was going to die soon, I wouldn't mope about it, I would go out and rob a bank, what can they do about it? I'd sell my house and waste the money on me, sod the kids, I'm off and I'm taking a big suitcase of cash with me. I like to think about good things like when someone at work you don't like doesn't get the promotion they wanted. Life can be sweet. So lets not think about dying, at some point today have a good shit and be happy. la la la .