WORK CLOTHES

I have to wear a uniform at work. Don't get too excited, its nothing macho or sexy like a soldier or a fireman. It's a pale green shirt, dark trousers and safety boots that look like they were made for someone with special needs. The reason I am talking about work clothes is because I saw a guy today in a tracksuit that was covered completely in paint. He is obviously a painter and decorator but he obviously gets more on himself then he puts on the walls. It made me wonder why people with a trade like to wear their work clothes to and from work. Why do scaffolders wear tracksuit bottoms cut at the knee? Why do shop workers wear their shop clothes to and from work with name of the shop emblazened on the back? Have you seen the nasty uniforms Asda makes their staff wear? Or the the horrible uniforms at Tesco and Sainsburys? A few years ago I was on my break at Brighton and they had a couple of models showing off the new uniforms we were gonna get, it was supposed to be a blazer and slacks and this tall good looking model with a nice head of hair (I hated him) made the uniform look great. As I stood there a chinless wonder from HR slithered up to me and asked what I thought, I told him it looked ok, he said that the clothes came from Bond Street and the material used in our uniforms will be of lesser quality. I forgot all about it until a few months later when I was at home on a rare day off and having a tissue moment when there was a knock on the door and my uniform had arrived. I opened the box and it was nothing like the things the male model was wearing. This uniform was made from the same material they make loofahs out of. I looked at the labels and it should fit but when I tried it on it was so big it would not have fitted Jo Brand when she was pregnant. I took it to the dry cleaners and asked if he could alter it to fit, he looked at me then he looked at the uniform he looked at me again and said 'hang on a sec' he picked up the phone and said into it ' stop what you are doing and get down here quick' a few moments later his wife appeared, she has a face like a stubbed out cigarette, he told her what I wanted, she looked at me, looked at my uniform, looked at me then looked at her husband and they both started laughing. I stood there for six minutes til they stopped. She kissed her husband on the cheek and said 'thank you, that has made my day' and she went back upstairs. He watched her go, (she was ugly but had a lovley bum) and he looked at me and said 'yes sir what can I do for you? so I told him again and he started laughing again. When he stopped he said it was a challenge he didn't want to stake his professional reputation on and asked me to leave and never come back. So if you are reading this and you are a uniform deigner, can you please bear in mind the poor saps who have to wear the shit you design. Please remember most companies always go for the cheapest supplier which usually means very poor materials. Also if you are a parent of a teenage boy can you please stop them from leaving the house with their jeans round their arses showing their underpants. Its not a good look and makes them and you look like pikeys. Also can you women please stop going out in your pyjamas, if you are too lazy to get dressed stay in bed and send some one else to pick up your giro. Vote for me and I will make sure every teenager owns a belt and make it an on the spot fine for wearing your pyjamas looking like a skank in the street. La la la