D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Today I was coastal. I don't like it here the people are weird, I was having my break trying to be invisible having a coffee when this driver I barely know sat next to me sobbing. I tried not to notice him but eventualy I said 'are you alright mate? He looked at me and said 'no my wife wants a divorce' I said 'never mind, it happens to us all' he asked, 'when did you know it was over' I thought for a while and said 'well there were little signals I picked up on. The first signal was when she wrote to an agony aunt in the newspaper. She started the letter with 'Dear Deidre, I'm married to a prick' When I asked her why she wrote it she said she was angry I had used one of her tops to wash my motorbike. The second signal was when the house phone rang, she would answer it and if it wasn't for her she would look at me and say 'oi fuckface, its for you' but I suppose I knew it was over one day when I was in the bath, I was having a soak with my eyes closed and I heard a noise, I looked up and she was carrying a table lamp through the bathroom door, it was still plugged in but luckily the cable wasnt long enough or I'm sure she would have tipped it into my bath. In the early days she would put post it notes in my lunch box saying 'I Love You Today' towards the end she put notes in saying 'I hope you die' its not all my fault, I don't steal and I don't lie so whenever she asked me 'does my bum look big in this? I would say yes. Whenever we went out she would get dressed and say 'does this look alright? And I would look at her and say 'wear what you like its not me they'll be laughing at' One day we had a massive row and she screamed 'why won't you give me a divorce? And I looked at her and said 'because I don't want you to be happy. Anyway we didn't speak for days after that but that was normal anyway. We stayed together for another eighteen months because of our kids (neither of us wanted custody) but eventually we divorced. I went down the pub to drown my sorrows and she went on holiday with workmates. She is doing quite well now, she has just got a promotion at work and has moved in with her boss, he is a much younger man with nice hair and all his own teeth, I'm living in my mums caravan on her driveway. I found a laptop on the train and have just subscribed to a website called Tissue Moments For Men. Anyway I must be off I have to see the doctor about my recurring wrist pain. On the way back I'm stopping at Lidls, they are doing a deal on chicken tikka pot noodles, 4 for £2. Here is an interesting fact, did you know the longest English word you can spell backwards correctly is racecar. La la la