COACH TRAVEL

High drama on the highway the other day when armed police swooped on a coach as it trundled along the M6 motorway in the West Midlands. It was one of those budget ones where you pay a pound and it takes you from Land's End to John O'Groats, though quite why you'd want to go to either of those places is a mystery. Anyway, we're not surprised the armed police were called in. Have you ever been on one of those things? A cargo of battery humans on its way to bleak ineviability. They stuff you in this overheated, stinky, juggernaut for several continuous hours, usually within dangerous proximity of a bunch of drunken oafs travelling towards some hellbound stag weekend. If you're particularly unlucky the coach driver might inflict bad 90's music at you through tinny overhead speakers or a ropey straight-to-dvd film, causing you to rupture your retina as you squint at a screen the size of a postage stamp. And you can forget about using the toilet. No, anyone who travels on these infernal vehicles is mere moments away from a complete psychotic episode and should be approached with caution.