MANS BEST FRIEND

I'm in a coastal crew room and I dont like it here, its like the waiting room of the local looney bin. Everyone has something wrong with them and they are staring at a telly that aint even on. There are two men discussing the best way to wash a pet dog, thats right I said how to wash a pet dog. The fat one who has a beard that makes him look like he is trying to eat a ginger cat just said that he turned his bathroom into a wet room and takes his dog in with him when he has a shower, the other moron replied he puts his in the bath after he has had his to save water and then said out loud 'I leave his penis til last cos if I wash it first the dog gets sexually aroused'. Thats what he said and no one batted an eyelid. I'm trying not to be conspicuos cos they dont like London folk, and one or two of them are staring at me like i'm their favourite meal. Its very cold here and I have seen way too many ugly jumpers, they wear anything down here with no shame, I have seen better dressed refugees on telly (not this telly cos it aint on). At times like this I wish my break was shorter.