KETTLING

When I was growing up, kettling was something my dad said to my mum. He would say "are you kettling love? "meaning are you putting the kettle on or make some tea you idle cow" I have just been watching the news (on the BBC so it must be true) and the protesters at todays march have got a bit lippy with the bacon, sorry I mean the police and now the police are "kettling" them into areas and the protesters dont like it. One greasy dirty haired sandal wearing no job tree hugging soap dodging student was crying into the camera that he only threw a brick "to make a statement " well my greasy dirty stain on society, you made a statement and the answer was "get over there with the rest of the unwashed and we will let you out when the trains stops running". Its funny how those with no jobs and therefore no pensions feel the need to join this protest. Most of them don't work and are sponging off the state and when they retire, if they reach that age, they will still be spongers.
I was a bit miffed at the traffic chaos when I left work but I tuffed it out and got home, I parked my bike in my garage and walked to the shops to get loo roll, cos I knew I needed some, and I saw a lovely bunch of flowers and I thought, "they would make a nice present" so I untied them from the lamp post and I will give them to my sister tomorrow. I bought loo roll and when I got home I realised I needed milk not loo roll and now I have a fridge full of loo roll, so for tea I'm going to make a really hot curry. The rain tried to make an appearance but it was short lived which means its probably waiting for Mandy Murray so that he has an excuse, I really hope he wins Wimbledon this year (I farking don't cos I dislike him and his twin mother), but it would be great if the rain could fark off for a few more weeks and let me have some garden time. I have nicked some books from MCL and I like to read in the garden (and when having a pooh) and it would be nice to return them soon. I think everyone should read at least one book a week unless you are French, in that case you should spend more time shaving and showering and brushing your teeth. I'm off tomorrow so tonight its stella followed by some stella, I will go to the gym tomorrow for a letch, I mean a work out then have some more stella. Lifes a bitch, but so are most women. ooh I think I crossed a line there, ha ha ha ha ha who cares, diddly dee, la la la, everyones gone to the moon. (Did I mention, that I had some stella earlier).

I DONT MIND STRIKES BUT........

I dont mind people striking, im sure they think their cause is just and valid, but.....why the hell do they always come to London to do it?. I know parliament is in London and they the inbreds we call politicians are all supposed to be based here but i know for a fact that on strike days our MPs work from home so they are not the ones being incovenienced. As I drove to work this morning I saw lots and lots of police vans parked up around Westminster getting ready for the protesters, and I was pleased to see that they had learned at least one lesson. All the police officers were not cooped up in the back of their vehicles, they were all milling around on the pavements. Maybe its only the dogs they like to cook. I finally made it home after three divertions and I only had to swear at four other drivers who obviously dont live in London but came here for the day to do some sightseeing. Still im home now and I have picked up my car from the garage where I was having it looked at. I am now £120 worse off and have decided to dull the pain with some stella and a pizza. Wimbledon is still dragging on and people I have never heard of are grunting their way through what is arguably one of the most boring sports on the planet ( thats my view so up yours if you like tennis). I should really hoover up and bring in the washing but I cant be arsed so im gonna watch some cartoons and drink my lovely cold beers. la la la diddly everyones gone to the moon.  

HOT DOGS

I read with extreme anger, dismay and complete shock that police dogs died in a vehicle today because they overheated. A simple explanation one would think, but not in this case. The jack ass in question has killed a dog before in the same circumstance and I find it hard to believe that the silly farking carnt has done it again. The last time he killed a pooch he got a promotion, what will they give him this time? probably a knighthood and some free olympic tickets. In my job , if you make a mistake, the powers with no brains take you off track and make you feel really bad and you dont get back out for ages. If you miss battersea park for example, you get dumped on from a great height but you never ever do it again ( unless your name begins with SH or DG), You might make other mistakes but you wont miss Battersea Park again, you might fark up in other ways but you will always remember to stop at Battersea. This dopey silly plod roasted a pup a couple of years ago, said he was sorry and they made him a sargeant. Am I missing something? This time he has roasted TWO pups, in the same way and I am wondering what prize he will get. Unless he confesses to having shares in a chinese restaurant (am I allowed to suggest that? ) I think he should do some time. He obviously hates dogs or has trouble remembering he has left dogs in the oven, either way he is unfit for animal interaction. I made one silly mistake at work and I got completely hammered, ( although twentysix pounds a month for a diary is still cheap), I honestly think this guy should be left in a hot car until he sees the error of his ways. What will probably happen is that he will say a false appology and keep his job but not be allowed to eat, sorry, I mean work with dogs again, I made an appology and they expect me to still do my job. I almost wish I got the tin tack so I could become a dog cooker, ( sorry i mean join the police force, their uniforms are better than ours and they can drink on duty, (so i heard ) ) la la la , The story said he felt so bad he threw himself out of a police car, shame it wasnt going fast. I like animals, especially when they are covered in gravy and served with chips, but they dont deserve to be prepared in a hot vehicle.

MY MONDAY

I had to go to a team brief on saturday, it was a waste of time but it was better than driving traibs. I went out on saturday nite and I had a good drink, mad cat lady went to see some silly middle aged white bloke with dirty blond hair in hyde park, on sunday I had "you know what", today monday i went roads to brighton with a heavy smoking driver, I dont mind people smoking but apparently  its not allowed. I did what  I had to do at work and then I went home I took my car to the garage, there is nothing wrong with it i just wanted to show off. I did my monthly shopping and spent far too much for far too little. Whilst I was out both the Williams sisters lost at wimblwdon and I think the commentators were a bit too happy about it, that ginger git murray beat some french bloke and now everyone is going wild about it, I hate tennis. I hate tennis and I am not a murray fan. i wanty steak for tea but all my steak is frozen and you shouldnt cook it from frozen. I am well miffed about it. Luckily I have beer in the fridge and I intend to order a pizza. I doing roads to horsham tomorrow. La la la , and guess what? I really really dont care. The weather is gloriously hot, I love hot weather, I have no doubt that rain is on the way but right now im in the garden (well not right now cos im obviously writing this), but im going back to my garden with a good book and a nicely chilled drink, book supplied my MCL so dont bend the spine, she dont like it and can be very violent.

DRINKYPOOS

Im going out later. Its not wednesday but I have had a bath and changed my keks and I am going to meet up with friends for drinkypoos. Mad cat lady has gone to a Bon Jovi concert, why? I dont know, I think his music sucks, she did ask me to go, she is very considerate like that but I would rather shove strawberry jam up my arse and sit on an ant hill rather than go an see some middle aged white bloke in tight leather trousers ponce around on a stage shouting. My day started with a trip to brighton for a team brief. I farking hate team briefs, its all propaganda. It teaches us nothing and we learn nothing. The room was too hot and there was no free sandwiches or coffee. I managed to make it home on a packed train, and I had a lovely ride home on my super motorbike. I had a nice meal for one and the bath I told you about. I watched some crappy film and drank some chilled wine. And now im off to get sloshed. If I see you there I will by you a drink.

DAY OFF PART TWO

I was off yesterday and worked harder than being at work. Today was just the same although I did plan to be busy today. As usual, my noisy neighbours woke up half the street in their attempt to leave the house, so I got up had a nice light breakfast, put some washing in, hoovered the house, watched the news, and a story about how the wrong people are getting olympic tickets so I decided to crack on with my chores. I have decided to paint my doors and skirting boards and radiators. I prepared the doors properly, put on my latex gloves and opened the paint. The first of many phone interuptions began. Muscles Reidy wanted to know if I was going gym later and I said no. I started stirring the paint and the phone went again, I knew I should ignore it but it was the mad cat lady so I spoke to her, or rather listened to her moan about work. When she had finished I put the first stroke of paint on a door when the phone rang again, this time I ignored it but it kept ringing. I answered it to a work colleague who wanteds to to offer me a late turn next week, hah no thanks. I went back to painting and the door bell rang. I stopped painting and it was a postman with a parcel for my noisy neighbours, I signed his docket and put paint marks on the parcel, (ha ha ha), I went back to painting and was doing well when the bloody phone went again, it was mad cat lady telling me she had arrived home. Anyway I cracked on then my neighbours on the other side started playing loud music, I tried to ignore it but it was some real crappy old tunes and their dog was barking as well. I painted on for a while but I had to give up, the heat was too much and I had shut the doors to drown out the noise. I have managed to paint two doors, one hall cupboard door, my downstairs loo, and most of my left arm. I gave up and put everything away. I opened all the windows and decided to do some writing on my book. I have managed a very creditable 1543 words, so I am quite pleased. I had a lovely bath, scrubbed my arm to get the paint off, it wasn't easy and now my arm hurts. I gave myself a brazilian, (its nice to be tidy). I hung out the washing, I have prepared my world famous beef curry for later and now i'm off to the shops to treat myself to some beer. I checked and I'm ok for milk. la la la

MY DAY OFF

I have today off, HAH I would be less busy if i had gone to work. I was hoping for a lie in but I have neighbours who find it impossible to leave their house and get in a car with disturbing half the street. The woman obviously has a brain the the size on an ants knob because she keeps forgetting things and runs back in the house six or seven times, the dopey husband sits in the car tooting the horn and swearing her to farking hurry up. One of the things they do is leave the rear window open so half way down the street they come back to close it and repeat the leaving process all over again. Anyway I get up and I swear to you I think my son eats the toilet roll. I have two toilets in my house ( yes im very posh ) but there is never any loo roll so I have to go to my garage and get some, I nearly always find the tops off the screen wash and oil bottles in the garage where he forgets to put them back. I have some coffee, take a shower, then my chores begin, washing up, hoovering, dusting where needed, loading washing machine. My son and I go to the gym a lot so most of the washing is sports kits and towels. go to the shop for bits and pieces, hang out the washing, have another coffee, go to the gym come back from the gym, bring the washing in and pit in another load. All this is before mid day. I check my E mails, do some work on the books I am writing, hang the washing out and then my attention turns to lunch. I dont mind cooking but it can take an hour to cook and only minutes to eat.
On top of that , when I do take a break and turn the telly on, its daytime tv. What a load of shite daytime tv is. I think they should show daytime tv round the clock in prisons, that would stop people re offending. Anyway I have to go now because it looks like rain and I have to bring my washing in, I wanted to cut my grass but I will put that on the list for tomorrow, I forgot to but milk so thats another trip to the shop.