MAYBE IM DIFFERENT

Maybe I'm different. I'm sitting in a coastal crew room and no one is reading todays paper. All the papers are from yesterday and Sunday. Maybe I'm different but the Metro is FREE everyday, so why aren't they reading todays FREE Metro? Don't get me wrong, as you know I'm not a big coastal fan and quite frankly I worry for my sanity if I'm down here too long, but I read yesterdays Metro and it wasn't that interesting and I binned the copy I had as soon as I had read it. There was two stories in it that caught my eye. One was that complete wanker (very rich wanker) Simon Cowell letting people know he shagged Dannii Bignose in 2007 and the story of the guy who was in a South African prison for 18 months. Firsly, if I had shagged Dannii Bignose in 2007, I would not of kept it a secret. I would have told everyone right away. Don't get me wrong, maybe its me, but I don't see where her talent is. Her sister has a small amount of talent and an ass to kill for but Dannii doesn't, however I would have shagged non stop until my eyes popped, she ain't a bad looking woman and the rumour is that she is a bit naughty between the sheets. Simon Cowell is universally regarded as a right pillock, but having squillions of pounds in the bank helps get good looking women into bed. I'm poor so I have to rely on my 8 inch tongue and ability to breathe out my ears. The second story that interested me was the guy who claims to have caught HIV from being gang raped in his cell. There was a picture of this guy looking sad and the story said he shared a cell with 90 other convicts. 90? Bloody hell thats a big cell. He claims that as the only white guy in the cell he was gang raped EIGHT OR NINE times a day for 18 months and thats how he got HIV. Maybe its me but getting raped 8 or 9 times once would have made me want to fight until they killed me. He claims it went on 8 or 9 times every day for a year and a half. Maybe its me but if that really happened to me I am damn sure I wouldn't be showing my face in the paper telling the whole world. While I was waiting for the kettle to boil, this guard I know briefly just sidled up to me and aid, 'lovely weather, aint it?' Its pissing down outside so I said 'its alright for those with webbed feet' his reply was 'if I won the lottery I would buy my own bus' maybe its me but I have no idea how he went from the weather to buying a bus. I quickly forgot about the kettle and walked away. I have 4 hours here, 4 hours of listening to the rain outside and listening to complete worzel gummidge type conversations. Maybe its me but today I don't feel lucky. At least I'm not in a South African prison (its probably just as brutal as being here).