COASTAL COWS

I shit you not, I'm in a coastal crew room and three men are sitting swapping cow stories. I have on occasion of heard one maybe two people swapping stories but there are three grown spud heads telling each other their experiences with a half ton of beef. One guy and I swear I'm not making this up he said he was cycling through the country lanes in Bexley, (he did say it was many years ago) and he heard a cow fart and it scared him so much he fell off his bike and broke his right wrist. Muppet number two said he was cycling through France (I hate the French) and he said he was going down hill very fast with his wife dragging far behind him and when he reached the bottom he sat on what he thought was a rock to have a cigarette til she caught up but the rock turned out to be a large lump of cow shit and he sank into it and it covered his whole back and legs. Silly spud number three has just told how he took his 7 year old grandson rambling and the kid thought it would be funny to chase some calfs which was funny until mummy cow got the hump and head butted the little brat and when silly spud number three tried to rescue the kid, as he ran towards the boy he slipped in some cow pooh and received a face full of shit. Why oh why would anyone tell some one they had a face full of cow shit (or any shit for that matter) is beyond me but these three do look and sound like rejects from a Jeremy (smug bastard) Kyle show. These three wallies have told about nine stories between them and none of them end well and all of them involve being covered in shit. I was once in a cow situation but its a suppressed memory, very deeply suppressed and you will never ever know how it ended. I would like to say that I won and I still have the jacket but that would be a lie so the memory will stay hidden in my memory vaults for ever. I will one day confess all my sins after all thats what death beds are for but every time I get coastal I am reminded how lucky I am to be bald and not ginger. One of these dimwits said he is vegetarian because of his experience with a cow. If anything, if a cow caused me to end up like these three I would eat as many as I could. Don't get me wrong, I love animals but they are so much nicer covered in gravy and served with chips. Here is an interesting fact, babies are born without kneecaps, the kneecaps don't deveop until the child is about two years old. La la la.