LEAVE ME ALONE

I hate being pestered by idiots. I also hate idiots asking daft questions. There we were in a restaurant standing by the 'please wait to be seated' sign, and we had been there about 7 or 8 minutes when this spotty crazy haired guy who had been giving us the evil eye sauntered over to us and said 'would you like a table? I nearly said no thanks we like eating standing up but I kept my cool (which as you know, thats not always easy for me) . He then looked us up and down then asked, 'table for two is it?' again I nearly said said no we would like a table for six but I kept schtum and just nodded. Spotty led us to a very small tucked away table  and as we sat down he asked another fecking stupid question, he said ' would you like a menu?' that was it, I said  'no, we will just make up our own menu'. He didn't find this amusing and replied, 'I have to ask cos some people just want a drink'. I said, 'if I just wanted a drink I would stand at the bar, but cos I'm hungry I stood at the wait to be seated sign waiting to be showed to a table, a table I might add for two people as there is only two of us, and now that we are sitting at a table yes we want to see a menu so we know what food you have to offer'. I added 'you wanker' very quietly and he didn't hear me. I know its risky having a pop at the staff because one doesn't want to find snot and spit in the salad but I remember when catering staff looked clean and dressed properly. This mob all looked like a cross between David Bowie and Gary Newman. Anyway we ordered our meals, we both chose steak and they looked nice and tasted ok but the enjoyment was spoiled by an endless stream of pain in the arse staff coming over and asking if everything was ok. After about the sixth time I answered 'no, everything is not alright'. Spotty looked horrified and asked what the problem was. I said to him 'every time I take a bite, my steak gets smaller'. It tooks a few seconds for him to register then he walked away. Seconds later the manager came along. I say 'manager' because that was what his name badge said but this fool had a grey shirt and red tie and both were covered in what looked like minestrone soup. He asked if we had a problem and I said yes we are fed up with being interupted during our meal. Soup boy said it was how the staff are trained and its all part of customer service. I told him that we were discussing a drug deal and didn't want people over hearing where we stash our gear. Soup boy looked at me then said ' very funny sir' and walked away. We decided we wanted to leave so I motioned for the check, you know by waving my hand in the air and whispering 'check please'. Well fuck me not one of the dozy idiots wanted to know and none of them came over to us. So we sat there for a few minutes and the I stood up and approached one of the staff and said 'bring the bill or call the police, your choice but we are leaving' he looked a bit scared and said 'we have a panic button' I replied ' the check or the police your choice' luckily the manager was watching and came over. I paid the bill and did not leave a tip. I won't be going back there any time soon. It really gets on my man boobs when in a restaurant, and they all seem to be guilty, of constantly pestering you while you try to eat.I know I sound miserable but thats because I am. Here is an intersting fact, the human brain stops growing at 18 years old. La la la