READY FOR CHRISTMAS

Twice today I have been asked if I'm ready for christmas. No,no I aint, christmas is still ages away and I have plenty of time. I am not one of those sad people that buys their christmas presents in February and March and then tucks them away under the stairs for ten months. I also aint one of those daft idiots who stock up on bread, milk, butter and sugar "just in case". Last year, on the day before christmas eve, I was in Tesco and the family in front of me at the counter had seven loaves of bread and four, four pints of milk, and I heard the man ask his wife if she thought it was enough. Good grief people, we are in 2011, most of the shops don't close anymore. Last week I told you how I was going to the pound shop to buy presents for my friends. Well luckily I didn't because up the road a new shop has opened and its called " The 99p store" so already I'm better off. And on top of that someone I was getting a prezzie for has pissed me off so he aint getting feck all from me so I'm not gonna be stuck trying to find another friend to off load a pair of jokey socks on.
Also, contrary to popular belief, I do like christmas, its another excuse to over eat and over drink. Its the the bloody adverts that irritate me. The telly is always showing us the must have toys and the must have accessories. I think its brain washing and propaganda gone wrong. On the one hand we should buy our children all these lovely computer type toys that are way too expensive but you will look like a council estate pauper if your kids don't have them, but on the back of the box its says "coming soon, a new and improved version" so the damn thing is obsolete before its been opened. Then if thats not enough, some bearded cardigan sandal wearing treehugger moans that the packaging is destroying the Earth.
A recent survey has stated that most of our under tens are obese because they spend too much time in front of the telly playing computer games and not getting enough excercise. How can our kids get excercise when the treehugger I mentioned claims its too dangerous to play conkers. I say instead of selling a kidney to pay for expensive soon to be out of date electronic gadgets, if you have young son buy him a bike and a football, if you have a young daghter buy her a bike and a skipping rope and send them out to play. It keeps them healthy and while they are out side the parents can have some peace and quiet (or sneaky hanky panky).
Having said that, the survey that said our young kids are obese and in serious danger of dieing in their twenties is missing the point. If all these little fat fuckers die young it will help solve the current pensions crisis. London Mayor??? vote for me.