TRADESMEN

Tradesmen, Who do they think they are? If you are paying for a service, shouldn't you be the one dictating the rules? I like my house, no actually, I love my house, I aint over joyed at the area it in but when I shut my door, its my castle and I'm the king. I have to have some work done on my house and I have had to call in some workmen whose do these types of hands on get dirty jobs. I don't do these kinds of jobs because even though you may find this hard to believe, I am actually quite useless at walking around with a pencil behind my ear and my arse hanging out of my tracksuit bottoms. Anyway these guys were supposed to be here at 8 o'clock yesterday and turned up nearer 11. The excuse they gave me was that they were held up on another job. I asked the the man with the biggest pencil what job could he possibly have been doing to get held up on when he should have been at my house at 8am and guess what? The fat arsed idiot didn't have an answer. Anyway they spent most of their time getting prepared to start work and I must admit they looked like they knew what they were doing. Oh silly me, silly silly me, no sooner had they prepped everything and moved stuff out the way and drilled holes ready to be filled and cover most services with dust and scratched their heads and arses collectively, fat arse number two decided he needed a bigger better more noisier gadget to do something even more spectacular to impress me that they all needed to fuck off to B and Q and get one each and have lunch on the way back. This little jaunt took the best part of two hours and when they came back having had what must have been the biggest lunch ever going by the amount of tomato sauce spilt down their shirts they were too fucked to do any work. So after some more drilling and lots of swearing and lots of them saying to each other 'have you got a 7 ml this or an 8 ml that, or come and hold this for me, or shine your torch over here a minute' not much progress was being made. Shortly after what seemed like ages their working day was up. They said they could tidy up a bit but would it be alright to leave their gear where it was so they could get an early start today. I agreed but I took the big pencil guy to one side and told him that him and his guys need to be here bang on 8 o clock or I won't be happy, I told him if he was late I would throw his stuff in the street and get a different crew in to finish the work. He assured me that they would be here on time and do a bang up job. Well whack me with a stick covered in shit cos at 8 o'clock they were here and stormed into work. I was so gobsmacked I forgot to have a tissue moment. Anyway they buzzed around banging drilling swearing stopping to make phone calls and drunk most of my coffee and now they have started rubbing their stomachs talking about bacon sandwiches and The Daily Sport newspaper. It seems that in a tradesmens life, lunch gets earlier and longer every day. The cost of the job has stayed the same but they might need an extra day maybe two. I suggested less lunch hours and working past two in the afternoon but the guy looked at me like I had just asked for a blow job in front of his mates. It looks like my castle is going to be a noisy mess for a few days but hopefully it will look even nicer when its finished. It would have been a great opportunity to finish my writing but the guy with the third biggest arse switched the power off to play around with my power shower. Anyway I will keep you posted on how things go, I am doing well on my dryathon, only a couple more days to go. Please buy my Ebook, A Clean Week. Here is an interesting fact. The Titanic cost $7 million dollars to build and they spent $200 million making a film about it. La la la diddley dee.