COMMUNAL DUMPS

I was coastal today. The weather as usual was grim. Christmas is as far as I am concerned well and truly over so why are those coastal cretins still displaying tinsel and why are the cheap crackers still on the table. Anyway, there I was minding my own business trying not to show fear and all I could hear from behind my newspaper was some jelly head trying out the ring tones on his new phone. Don't get me wrong, we have all done it, we get a new better phone and we like to play around with it and boast about how cool it is and go through every ring tone until we find the one we like or the one that will be most annoying to others. After about ten minutes of listening to this moron telling his fellow morons how he can use this new fangled contraption to talk to other people who are in a different room, I decided I needed to have a Forest. I went to the loo but being the shy retiring type. I can't pooh if someone is in the cubicle next to me so I had to wait. Five minutes later I tried again and just my luck, there were other people using the stalls. I kept going in and out for ages until after about twenty minutes I could wait no longer as it felt like I had Mount Vesuvius about to fall from my rear end (arse). Only one stall was being used so I went into one at the other end. No sooner had I sat down when I heard "Hello". I was a bit shocked and kept quiet. Then I heard "Hello, say something" so I said "Er hello". the voice then said, "Wow this phone is great its like we are in the same room" . Well that was it, damn these coastal hillbillies, I finished what I was doing and was washing my hands when the moron with the phone emerged from his stall, he flushed and walked straight out. I found him in the crew room handing his phone to people who were pretending to use the phone by putting to their ears. He looked at me and said, "do you want to try it?" I replied "No thanks, I think its disgusting to use a phone whilst having a shit and you didn't wash your hands". Just then there was a crash and a wallop as the person who was holding the phone dropped it and looked at the moron and called him a filthy fecking dirtbag. Moron almost cried as he picked up the remnants of his phone and muttered something about taking out a grievance. Please don't use a phone whilst having a dump, its not a nice thing to do although a few years ago I did see someone take a cup of tea in with them, uurgh. Please by my E book, A Clean Week, by Ola West. Here is an interesting fact, fingernails grow four times faster than toe nails. la la la