BANKS

I think the banking industry is run by a bunch of bastards. I think people who work in banks are also a bunch of bastards. I am glad they are currently getting bad press, I'm glad that they have to work on a saturday and and I'm glad their uniforms look cheap and nasty. I keep getting letters from my bank. I bank with Halifucked sorry I mean Halifax. They keep offering me things I don't want and stuff I don't need. Their one plus point is that the informed me that someone 'may' have tried to clone my credit card and it would be advisable to have a new one. So I agreed to a new card but could I possibly keep the same pin number. They said it would be no problem and that a new card would be with me in a few days and I should use it straight away and cut up the old one. So a few days later I received my new card and went to the shop to use it. The shop machine said  'card declined'. The shopkeeper was dubious and wouldn't let me use my old one. So I went to the cash point and tried the new card and the machine said wrong pin number. I called the bank and they assured me that it was the same number but as I had now tried it my old one was defunct. They advised me to 'activate' the new card in my branch. So like a wally I went to my branch, I took both cards, a letter from them saying I was getting a new card and the letter that came with the new card saying use it immediately and dispose of the old one, I also took my driving licence and passport. After queuing up behind a bunch of bastard time wasting pensioners either putting in or taking out just enough money for a tin of cat food, I finally got my go. The witch behind the counter had a face like broken plate and an attitude that made me think she was sitting on wet cold rice pudding anyway I explained why I was there and that I would like to activate the new card. She asked me why I had a new card so I told her, she asked me why I still had my old card so I told her that I had not cut it up yet. She looked confused and seemed irritated with me. I showed her the letter saying it should be the same pin number and she tapped on her computer and then said it should be. She took my card and swiped it then told me it should be ok to use in about thirty minutes. She took the old one and shredded it. I needed some money so I asked her to give me a hundred pounds. She swiped my card but it had not registered yet. She told me to wait and then use the cash machine. I looked at the queue for the cash machine and it was about forty people long so I asked her if I could take some from her. She looked aghast but asked for ID. I told her she had my card but showed her the two letters but it wasn't enough so I showed her my driving licence and passport. The bastard witch asked for a utility bill. I asked what for and the crone said 'its the rules' I tried explaining about the transaction we had just been doing but she still wanted a bill. I told her to call a manager and this big fat spotty faced woman waddled over and asked what was wrong. I told her my card wasnt activated and I was trying to get some money out and fuck me this elephant asked for a utility bill too. I am sorry but I went bloody beserk. Yes I caused a scene, I shouted and stomped and threw stuff and told them to 'call the police' but I wasn't leaving without my money. Luckily the security guard who up til now had been asleep in the broom cupboard (probably) sauntered up and said he could vouch for my identity. The fat bitch manager didn't like this idea but the guard said that if she wanted me thrown out she would have to help cos  'I looked a bit angry' yes the police came and yes I explained all this to two bored policewomen but yes I got my money. All you bankers out there are bastards. Just like Boris and Ken. La la la . Here is an interesting fact, every year we throw away over 100 million tubes of toothpaste with paste still in the tube. Vote for me