WHAT A DAY

What a day today has been. I woke up to see that the weather was quite shitty, it was that bad I thought I had woken up in a Coastal place.
I was in the shower and I saw a spider. I killed that spider. Not because it was in my shower staring at my naked body but because it saw me masturbating.
Now masturbating isn't a crime in the privacy of one's own home and lots of people enjoy a good tug before work but I didn't want the spider to go and tell all his mates and then one morning find half a dozen spiders in my shower hoping to catch me tugging away. No witness no crime is my motto.

Anyway the weather was quite shitty and I looked out my patio window and saw that next door had hung some washing out a few days ago and now a blanket had been blown into my garden. Being a good neighbour I trampled it a bit then threw back over the fence.
The thing about not going Coastal is that they then travel up here. I was in the crew room enjoying a coffee and in walks this Coastal guy whose hair looked like astro turf. It was the worst hair covering I have seen in a long time.
He said hello (we have met before), and sat down. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I asked him why he rolled up his sleeves and he said he didn't like long sleeves so I suggested short sleeve shirts instead. He looked at me like I had just discovered a new moon and started Googling shirt shops.
So before going out to do a bit I needed a wee. I stood at the urinal to places away from another guy and we heard someone talking on the phone in a cubicle. I said loudly to the other guy 'how the fuck can you talk on the phone whilst taking a shit?' Before he could answer the dirty got in the cubicle shouted 'mind your own business thid is an important call'.
I called him a woman's reproductive part and left (yes I washed my hands first).
Anyway I've got to go for a haircut so finish this later.

Please buy my ebook A Clean Week.

Interesting fact the 1st Mcdonalds only sold hotdogs!