ME BORIS AND KEN

I got a letter today. It's from the office of electoral transparency. It contained my cheque less administration obviously for my application to be London Mayor. I paid the money cos I want to be the Mayor of this great metropolis. Apparently I can't prove that I don't need the wage that comes with being the London Mayor which leaves me open to corruption so my application is disqualified. I have never ever taken a bribe that wasn't worth it. So, anyway its official. The fight to be London Mayor is a two donkey race. Weasly Ken and Bumbling Boris. That thin faced weasel Ken who is famous for accepting gifts and who let the CND use the city hall free of charge is toe to toe with bumbling bonking Boris. Ken went to the History museum recently with his two kids and barged his way to the front of the queue and gave it the 'do you know who I am? Routine' and when the guard explained how a queue works, Ken demanded to see the manager. He demanded that the guard be fired just for doing his job. Ken is lucky I wasn't there with my grandkids cos if he pushed in front of me there would be something else that no longer exists hanging the wall, bloody Ken Livingston. I despise that man. He bleats on about everyone being PC minded then calls people fags and nazis. And lets not forget Boris. He is supposed to be a multi millionnaire but only has two suits. The beige one with the soup stain and the black one with his dandruff on. And it's a lot of dandruff. His mother was by his side recently saying vote for him. Fecking hell, she looks just like him. Its as if his parents were brother and sister and their parents were brother and sister. He claims to cycle a lot. I notice he doesn't use a 'Boris' bike. He uses one he was 'given' from a cycle shop in north London. Not a bung but a gift. Its a con. Ken wants to spend money making London great again and Boris wants everyone except himself to tighten our belts. They are focusing on a ten year plan, sod that, lets worry about this year and maybe next year and see how we are doing. I aint giving up the fight, they might move the goal posts and change the rules but I know how to fight dirty, I know how to cheat, its not over yet and if I do really have to get dirty, I will play the race card, followed by the disability card (I'm short) and then the is it cos I is black card. This fight could take a while, then I might try the I was abused as a child card. I will get there, but right now I'm not sure how.