JAYWALKERS

I aint all that keen on the Americans, I think they are messing up the world with their gung ho policies and threatening nature, and like the French, they know no one likes them. However, among all their stupid laws is one law that I really wish we had in this country. JAYWALKING. Thats right I said jaywalking. The worst part of my journey to work starts when I get to Waterloo. It like everyone stops being aware of what they are doing and just mooch about aimlessly. And I aint just talking about those pain in the arse tourists who can manage to get halfway around the world but can't find the right bloody platform. I'm talking about those ignorant self absorbed boneheads who are too lazy to look where they're going. On a daily basis I find myself swearing at some gormless wanker who just steps out without looking. What really fecks me off is they get all indignant like its my fault. Its not that I care if I run one of the numbnuts over, its the damage to my car that concerns me, or even worse, the damage to my bike. The paper work alone just dealing with the insurance company is frightening. One guy who I just managed to avoid took out his phone and took a picture of my number plate so I stopped and backed up, the bastard coward ran away. Knowing my luck which is currently all bad, I will run over a yanker (American wanker) and the police will turn up, and even with a dozen witnesses I will still be arrested because of the lost revenue from tourism whilst the yanker milks his stay in hospital. My mate got arrested for running over a tourist, it was the tourists fault but when the police arrived my mate who had just bought this shiny new car could not explain the boot marks on the other guys face. I think that when these irritating visitors to our shores arrive at the airport, whilst waiting for their luggage they should be given a test on manners and crossing the road, if they fail either test we should send them back home. Unless we are allowed to run people over and they show no signs of caring for their own safety I don't see why we should have hazard awareness tests for new drivers. I also think when going to the pictures you should prove you can open a bag of sweets quietly before being let in. I have had many films ruined by noisy eaters. When I'm mayor jaywalking will be on my list of things to do and I will definately take a look at foreign statistics on road safety. Anyone from a country with a high rate of accidents will be made to wear bright yellow foam suits when out walking on our streets. La la la