BELOW PAR

Some time ago I sounded out a golfing magazine about writing an article chronicling the progress of me, a non golfer taking up golf and charting my progress over the course of a year. They hummed and arred and asked me several questions, then they said 'send us a first article' so off I went, I played some golf, I wrote about it and sent them an Email with my exploits. The next day I received an E mail from them, I still have it on my computer, it said WOW, this is good stuff, we like it, is there more???' So off I went and played some more golf, I wrote about it and sent another E mail. Again, the next I received another E mail which I still have, it says ' Very good stuff, witty and well written, keep it up, is there more ??' So off I went and played some more golf, I wrote about it and sent another E mail but I added, 'hope you like this too, is there any chance of us coming to a financial agreement for my work?' Days went by then weeks went by and no response. Imagine my annoyance when I picked up a copy of this magazine and in it almost word for word the second instalment of my story and they used my surname. So I rang them up and asked to speak to this guy. The woman on the switchboard said there was no one there by this name so I asked to speak to the editor as I wanted to let them know how much I enjoyed the article. I got through to the editor and he said they often used pseudonyms for their staff writers so I said I was looking forward to the next issue when the golfer loses two balls on the first green and on the third green he lands in a bunker right in some dogshit. There was a pause before he asked 'how do you know? So I replied, 'its my story, its my surname, I wrote it' there was another pause of about nine seconds so I said 'I know you are there I can hear you choking' another short pause and he said 'Er, you will have to speak to our legal department' and hung up. I'm pleased they thought it was good enough to publish but im miffed that they screwed me and I never even got a kiss first. The thieving bastards.