DUMB THIEVES

My local pub was robbed this weekend. Not by me, I was snuggly tucked up pissed and snoring with my darling gorgeous loved one. However, some thieving stinking fuck wank crook decided to steal from the place where I drink. It's only a small boat type pub with a small regular friendly clientelle, but it works. I hope the people who did this heinous crime get cancer of he cock. I hope they suffer daily paper cuts on their tongues and I hope they get liver cancer from nicking the house vodka and not the good stuff. They even stole the charity box. You dirty rotten thieving feckers, I hope everything you do for the rest of the month goes wrong. You dirty rotten thieving bastards.