HE ASKED, SO I TOLD HIM

I am writing this from a coastal crew room. I don't like it here its like being in a room full of Baldricks. I was sitting having my coffee, reading the paper and this big fat man came and stood by me. I didn't look up because its like the nutter on the bus, if you acknowledge them, you can't get rid of them. Anyway, after about ten seconds this guy tapped me on the shoulder and said hello. I put down the paper and looked at him. He looked like the fat one from Laurel and Hardy. I said hello to him and he then asked 'Do you go to a gym?' I replied 'Yes, yes I do'. He then said 'I just joined a gym, I fucking hate gyms, I always have' the voice in my head said 'don't ask, don't ask, don't ask' but my mouth opened and I heard myself saying 'If you hate gyms why join one?' He replied, 'My doctor said I'm fat' I looked him up and down and said, 'You needed a doctor to tell you you're fat?' He kept talking and said, I am morbidly obese, I have very high blood pressure and my cholesterol is dangerously of the scale' I replied 'Well going to a gym should help' He said again 'I fucking hate gyms, I need your advice, whats the best way not to go?' I said 'Just don't go' His face lit up and he asked, 'If I don't go and don't tell my doctor, do you think he will find out?' I said 'Yes I guarrantee he will find out' the fat guy said 'How, if I don't tell him?' I said, 'I assume your doctor is not as dumb as some of his patients, and when he sees that you are still a fat obese person who still has high blood pressure and dangerous cholestorol levels I think he will work it out for himself' Fatty then blubbed 'I'm wasting 40 quid a month on that gym' I said 'Cancel the membership and spend it on something else' He paused and asked 'What shall I buy?' I said to him 'If I was you I would buy a big coffin, you're gonna need one'. He said 'Thats not very nice' I said 'I'm sorry, ok if you don't want to go to a gym why don't you try walking to and from work' This fat mess said 'Why would I walk when I have a car?' Well that was it I lost my rag and said, 'Listen you dumb fat wally, go to the gym or don't go to the gym if you don't go you could die, either way I don't care, do me a favour and feck off and find a chip shop but just leave me alone, I'm on my break and I don't want to spend it being surrounded by you.' He swore and waddled off. When my break was nearly over I packed up my stuff and went to leave. I could see the fat bloke staring at me so I stopped by the snack machine and bought some crisps. I put the change in my pocket and shook the bag of crisps at him. I'm not 100% sure but as the door closed behind me I swear I could hear him sobbing.