I had my break in a Coastal room that has been deemed fit for use. Trust me when I tell that this room is absolutely not fit for anyone to dine there and get any rest.
The room is about the size of the back of a Transit van. I am not the tallest of people as you know but I could touch the ceiling.
It is basically a small portacabin powered by a diesel generator which is very loud and very smelly.
3 people would struggle to fit in there comfortably and two people would still not have adequate space. The generator is noisy but you can switch it off however, when you do the kettle and the microwave don't work.
They have supplied bottled water but with this nice weather the water is warm.
The smell of the diesel eventually gives you a headache and you then stand outside to get fresh air. Then if the smell doesn't give you a headache the noise will.
Then the fact that they placed it next to a taxi rank makes you wonder which clever dick made that decision when you have 20 to 30 cab drivers asking to use the loo.
Ah yes the loo. It is as small as a loo on Ryanair and older than the sky. It is proper nasty. If you sit down for a poo your knees rub on the door and there is no way to wipe your arse without opening the door which let's all the people in the beer garden opposite see what you are doing.
It really does not make you feel like the valued member of staff they keep saying we are.
Anyway I am going to E mail all the reps to complain now and hopefully something will get Done. Hello Mr Peglar.
Please buy my E book A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, more than 11000 key's are lost in tubes and buses in the UK every year. la la la
Saturday, 20 April 2019
Thursday, 28 February 2019
THIS MORNING WAS RUBBISH
This morning started badly. What I am about to write is the absolute truth and I can honestly I ain't had a day go this wrong in years.
The fuckhead driving the mini cab this morning took a wrong turn even though I told him the route. Go over Lambeth Bridge and there are two options, go straight ahead for Horseferry road or turn left go along the Embankment to Vauxhall Bridge road. Not this flaccid prick, he turned right. I asked him what he was doing and he said it was the way . I pointed out the the station was now behind us but he tapped the console and said ' rate nav sat nav '
Ok no problem I thought, there is still time. We drove down Victoria street but at Vauxhall Bridge road he carried straight on. ' Where the hell are you going? I asked, I said fuck but im being polite for the delicate readers.
He said ' I take you to black gate' ' what black gate? I want the car park'
He replied ' no no black gate is good'
Ok I thought, lets see how this pans out.
He drove me around the one way system and eventually stopped outside the station in Buckingham Palace road.
The gates were locked ( it was 4am after all) 'here you go' he said. 'the gates are locked you dumb fuck I said, now turn this fucker round and take me to the station car park.
After some deliberation he finally agreed and I guided him to the car park. He was actually pleased because hadn't been there before.
It gets even worse from there.
I get to my train and it has a Not To Move board on it. I called Control and they said it must have been a forgetful cleaner and they would get it removed.
This is at 0420, I'm supposed to leave at 0435. At 0432 I called the signaller and told him I was waiting for the board to be taken off. He said 'that's ok driver, you can do it', there were some workers down there last night they must have forgotten to remove It, you have my permission to do so
I said ' no thanks I will stick to the rule book and wait'. He protested vigorously but I hung up.
0445 I call Control again and they can't find out who put the board up. 0450 and Control tell me a track worker did it and was now in his car half way home and they were trying to get someone in authority to assist.
0500, I get told to change trains. No problem, I'm on platform 12 there is a train on platform 10. I inform the passengers and we all trudge round to platform 10. Guess what? No bloody train. I call Control and they said it will be there in 4 minutes.
4 minutes later train comes in only it's 12 coaches long, I should have 4.
The driver of this train was late for his break so I said I would do the detachment. Platform staff told me Control wanted me to take 8 coaches as more punters had turned up. I did the split only to be told to take the original 4 coaches. I am still calm at this point as my coffee was still warm . I reattach then split the train and set up the front 4 coaches. It is now 0515.
As we leave I asked the Signaller if we were stopping all stations as booked he said yes.
First stop is Clapham junction. At Clapham a platform guy gives me a special not to call form. Due to late running the train now will only call at East Croydon and Gatwick. Now I am fucked off. I have a train full of people and 9 stations I ain't stopping at, they are going to go mental.
Still, I make the announcement and through the thick fire proof doors I hear lots if swearing and shouting.
Anyway, it's 0525 and off we go.
I told my trainee that I would pick him up at Horley but now we ain't stopping and I can't use my phone.
He is quite clever I thought to myself , he will meet me at Gatwick.
As I sail through a deserted Horley because all the punters had followed station staff advice and got the replacement bus service to Gatwick, imagine my dismay that the only silly bollox standing on the empy platform was my trainee watching a train that ain't stopping leave him behind in the cold.
I picked him up on the way back and politely asked why the fuck he didn't get on the bus he looked all forlorn and said 'I thought you would stop'.
Anyway the morning slightly improved when he bought my breakfast.
If the track worker is reading this I hope you feel like the big rancid turd you are, for ruining the morning for so many people you big bag of wet shit.
Please buy my E book A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Every self service screen tested at McDonald's in the UK was found to have fecal matter on them. Every single one, uurgh.
La la la
The fuckhead driving the mini cab this morning took a wrong turn even though I told him the route. Go over Lambeth Bridge and there are two options, go straight ahead for Horseferry road or turn left go along the Embankment to Vauxhall Bridge road. Not this flaccid prick, he turned right. I asked him what he was doing and he said it was the way . I pointed out the the station was now behind us but he tapped the console and said ' rate nav sat nav '
Ok no problem I thought, there is still time. We drove down Victoria street but at Vauxhall Bridge road he carried straight on. ' Where the hell are you going? I asked, I said fuck but im being polite for the delicate readers.
He said ' I take you to black gate' ' what black gate? I want the car park'
He replied ' no no black gate is good'
Ok I thought, lets see how this pans out.
He drove me around the one way system and eventually stopped outside the station in Buckingham Palace road.
The gates were locked ( it was 4am after all) 'here you go' he said. 'the gates are locked you dumb fuck I said, now turn this fucker round and take me to the station car park.
After some deliberation he finally agreed and I guided him to the car park. He was actually pleased because hadn't been there before.
It gets even worse from there.
I get to my train and it has a Not To Move board on it. I called Control and they said it must have been a forgetful cleaner and they would get it removed.
This is at 0420, I'm supposed to leave at 0435. At 0432 I called the signaller and told him I was waiting for the board to be taken off. He said 'that's ok driver, you can do it', there were some workers down there last night they must have forgotten to remove It, you have my permission to do so
I said ' no thanks I will stick to the rule book and wait'. He protested vigorously but I hung up.
0445 I call Control again and they can't find out who put the board up. 0450 and Control tell me a track worker did it and was now in his car half way home and they were trying to get someone in authority to assist.
0500, I get told to change trains. No problem, I'm on platform 12 there is a train on platform 10. I inform the passengers and we all trudge round to platform 10. Guess what? No bloody train. I call Control and they said it will be there in 4 minutes.
4 minutes later train comes in only it's 12 coaches long, I should have 4.
The driver of this train was late for his break so I said I would do the detachment. Platform staff told me Control wanted me to take 8 coaches as more punters had turned up. I did the split only to be told to take the original 4 coaches. I am still calm at this point as my coffee was still warm . I reattach then split the train and set up the front 4 coaches. It is now 0515.
As we leave I asked the Signaller if we were stopping all stations as booked he said yes.
First stop is Clapham junction. At Clapham a platform guy gives me a special not to call form. Due to late running the train now will only call at East Croydon and Gatwick. Now I am fucked off. I have a train full of people and 9 stations I ain't stopping at, they are going to go mental.
Still, I make the announcement and through the thick fire proof doors I hear lots if swearing and shouting.
Anyway, it's 0525 and off we go.
I told my trainee that I would pick him up at Horley but now we ain't stopping and I can't use my phone.
He is quite clever I thought to myself , he will meet me at Gatwick.
As I sail through a deserted Horley because all the punters had followed station staff advice and got the replacement bus service to Gatwick, imagine my dismay that the only silly bollox standing on the empy platform was my trainee watching a train that ain't stopping leave him behind in the cold.
I picked him up on the way back and politely asked why the fuck he didn't get on the bus he looked all forlorn and said 'I thought you would stop'.
Anyway the morning slightly improved when he bought my breakfast.
If the track worker is reading this I hope you feel like the big rancid turd you are, for ruining the morning for so many people you big bag of wet shit.
Please buy my E book A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Every self service screen tested at McDonald's in the UK was found to have fecal matter on them. Every single one, uurgh.
La la la
Friday, 8 February 2019
WHAT A DAY
What a day today has been. I woke up to see that the weather was quite shitty, it was that bad I thought I had woken up in a Coastal place.
I was in the shower and I saw a spider. I killed that spider. Not because it was in my shower staring at my naked body but because it saw me masturbating.
Now masturbating isn't a crime in the privacy of one's own home and lots of people enjoy a good tug before work but I didn't want the spider to go and tell all his mates and then one morning find half a dozen spiders in my shower hoping to catch me tugging away. No witness no crime is my motto.
Anyway the weather was quite shitty and I looked out my patio window and saw that next door had hung some washing out a few days ago and now a blanket had been blown into my garden. Being a good neighbour I trampled it a bit then threw back over the fence.
The thing about not going Coastal is that they then travel up here. I was in the crew room enjoying a coffee and in walks this Coastal guy whose hair looked like astro turf. It was the worst hair covering I have seen in a long time.
He said hello (we have met before), and sat down. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I asked him why he rolled up his sleeves and he said he didn't like long sleeves so I suggested short sleeve shirts instead. He looked at me like I had just discovered a new moon and started Googling shirt shops.
So before going out to do a bit I needed a wee. I stood at the urinal to places away from another guy and we heard someone talking on the phone in a cubicle. I said loudly to the other guy 'how the fuck can you talk on the phone whilst taking a shit?' Before he could answer the dirty got in the cubicle shouted 'mind your own business thid is an important call'.
I called him a woman's reproductive part and left (yes I washed my hands first).
Anyway I've got to go for a haircut so finish this later.
Please buy my ebook A Clean Week.
Interesting fact the 1st Mcdonalds only sold hotdogs!
I was in the shower and I saw a spider. I killed that spider. Not because it was in my shower staring at my naked body but because it saw me masturbating.
Now masturbating isn't a crime in the privacy of one's own home and lots of people enjoy a good tug before work but I didn't want the spider to go and tell all his mates and then one morning find half a dozen spiders in my shower hoping to catch me tugging away. No witness no crime is my motto.
Anyway the weather was quite shitty and I looked out my patio window and saw that next door had hung some washing out a few days ago and now a blanket had been blown into my garden. Being a good neighbour I trampled it a bit then threw back over the fence.
The thing about not going Coastal is that they then travel up here. I was in the crew room enjoying a coffee and in walks this Coastal guy whose hair looked like astro turf. It was the worst hair covering I have seen in a long time.
He said hello (we have met before), and sat down. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I asked him why he rolled up his sleeves and he said he didn't like long sleeves so I suggested short sleeve shirts instead. He looked at me like I had just discovered a new moon and started Googling shirt shops.
So before going out to do a bit I needed a wee. I stood at the urinal to places away from another guy and we heard someone talking on the phone in a cubicle. I said loudly to the other guy 'how the fuck can you talk on the phone whilst taking a shit?' Before he could answer the dirty got in the cubicle shouted 'mind your own business thid is an important call'.
I called him a woman's reproductive part and left (yes I washed my hands first).
Anyway I've got to go for a haircut so finish this later.
Please buy my ebook A Clean Week.
Interesting fact the 1st Mcdonalds only sold hotdogs!
Wednesday, 23 January 2019
IS IT JUST ME?
Is it just me or have we gone mad. A footballer I have never heard of is missing in a plane crash. The search continues but the plane went missing days ago and has not been seen or heard from, ergo, dead footballer.
What I don't understand is that this multi millionaire footballer sent a message prior to boarding saying the little aircraft didn't look safe and he was worried. My message to the dead guy is serves you right. You have enough money to change planes and you should have but now you are missing obviously dead and the team you just signed for are 15 million quid out of pocket.
Recently a 14 year old boy was knocked off 'his' moped and stabbed to death. Tragic yes but contrary to what his awful parents say, he was no angel.
Firstly he was to young to be riding s moped, secondly it was stolen so therefore not his and thirdly why didn't they stop him from riding it?
A lot of the blame lies with them.
Donald Trump is still the world's biggest vagina.
Theresa May is looking very tired. She must know that no one likes her. I don't see her being prime minister much longer and that stuck up over privileged twat David Cameron says he is sorry that we are in this pickle.
The problem is that this country voted to leave. You can't keep having votes until you get the result you like.
It's worse than playing at Old Trafford.
Man Utd keep playing past the 90 minutes Mark until they equalise or score the winner.
We should tell the EU mob to sod off. We want out, we're getting out get used to it.
I saw one MP with hair like a cancer patient wearing a ridiculous suit saying we won't be able to afford holidays after Brexit. What bollox.
The world changed after 9/11 and will change again after Brexit. No it didn't and no it won't.
After 9/11 America got nervous about visiters to the country and went mental and got paranoid and Brexit just means the rest of Europe will have to finally admit they don't like us.
Anyway on the plus side I am off today and tomorrow which means no Coastal.
I am surfing through Netflix trying to find something to watch and I have just had a delicious steak dinner. (and some wine).
It's bloody cold out so I am staying in, and tomorrow looks like another lazy day too.
Please buy my E book, A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact...Neil Armsrongs boots are still floating around in space. la la la
What I don't understand is that this multi millionaire footballer sent a message prior to boarding saying the little aircraft didn't look safe and he was worried. My message to the dead guy is serves you right. You have enough money to change planes and you should have but now you are missing obviously dead and the team you just signed for are 15 million quid out of pocket.
Recently a 14 year old boy was knocked off 'his' moped and stabbed to death. Tragic yes but contrary to what his awful parents say, he was no angel.
Firstly he was to young to be riding s moped, secondly it was stolen so therefore not his and thirdly why didn't they stop him from riding it?
A lot of the blame lies with them.
Donald Trump is still the world's biggest vagina.
Theresa May is looking very tired. She must know that no one likes her. I don't see her being prime minister much longer and that stuck up over privileged twat David Cameron says he is sorry that we are in this pickle.
The problem is that this country voted to leave. You can't keep having votes until you get the result you like.
It's worse than playing at Old Trafford.
Man Utd keep playing past the 90 minutes Mark until they equalise or score the winner.
We should tell the EU mob to sod off. We want out, we're getting out get used to it.
I saw one MP with hair like a cancer patient wearing a ridiculous suit saying we won't be able to afford holidays after Brexit. What bollox.
The world changed after 9/11 and will change again after Brexit. No it didn't and no it won't.
After 9/11 America got nervous about visiters to the country and went mental and got paranoid and Brexit just means the rest of Europe will have to finally admit they don't like us.
Anyway on the plus side I am off today and tomorrow which means no Coastal.
I am surfing through Netflix trying to find something to watch and I have just had a delicious steak dinner. (and some wine).
It's bloody cold out so I am staying in, and tomorrow looks like another lazy day too.
Please buy my E book, A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact...Neil Armsrongs boots are still floating around in space. la la la
Wednesday, 9 January 2019
HONOURS LIST
What a crock of shit that Honours List is. How the hell has Harry Kane been given an Honour for scoring 5 goals at the World cup?
Firstly, England were in the easiest group and they still struggled, and secondly, Kane gets 200 grand a week to score goals, it's his bloody job.
I am not a fan of Harry Kane, I can never understand what he is saying, he mumbles like a white Mike Tyson.
Have you seen the size of his nose? There is no way I'm sharing my powder with that human Hoover.
Southgate is getting an Honour too for making waistcoats fashionable again and for get some over paid divas to the semi final.
I remember him missing that penalty and crying like a bitch then to add insult to injury he takes a bucket load of cash to make a pizza advert.
Officially he is being recognised for his dedication to the sport. WTF.
I know someone who has been a teacher for 40 years, where is his reward? I know someone who has been a nurse for over 30 years, where is her reward? I know someone who has swept roads for 30 years, where is his reward? The Honours list is a joke.
I haven't killed any ginger haired people for over 40 years, where is my reward?
Last night on the news it was said that the number of fat kids is increasing since they cut back on exercise classes for children so that the over weight slow ones don't feel pressured. In that case do away with maths and science so the stupid kids don't feel pressured either.
I am currently heading Coastal (grrr) and I am reminded of something I read in the paper last week.
This guy wrote to the Guardian newspaper to complain that on the recommendation of their film critic he watched a suggested film. He wrote 'I sat through an hour and 40 minutes of total and utter boredom and no longer trust your critic'.
Don't know about you but if I am totally bored after 20 minutes I switch over. Having said that, this guy lives in a Coastal area so is probably to daft to work the remote control.
Ryanair has once again been voted a crappy airline. I don't suppose the guy who owns it cares, he is still making a fortune from the muppets who keep using his company.
One woman wrote that she has used Ryanair about a dozen times and each time she has been disgusted by the service.
Well madam, more fool you. If I don't like it the first time, I might try a second time and if it still sucks then I will pay a bit more and try another airline.
I am currently heading to the Sunshine Coast and it is dark cold and wet. I doubt if I will see one shred of common sense there as everyone seems to love walking around wearing crocs and shorts all year round trying to catch seagulls at the train station.
On a brighter note, dry January is going well for me, not for the people I keep telling I'm sober to but I just like to feel smug sometimes.
It would be interesting if the punter could get a look at the crew rooms early in the morning and see which drivers they trust. There are some very heavy eyelids at the coffee machine most mornings.
Anyway, I have am arriving at Doofus Central so I will let you know if I survive unscathed later.
Please buy my E book A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Waterloo Bridge is also known as Ladies bridge because it was built mainly by women.
la la la
Firstly, England were in the easiest group and they still struggled, and secondly, Kane gets 200 grand a week to score goals, it's his bloody job.
I am not a fan of Harry Kane, I can never understand what he is saying, he mumbles like a white Mike Tyson.
Have you seen the size of his nose? There is no way I'm sharing my powder with that human Hoover.
Southgate is getting an Honour too for making waistcoats fashionable again and for get some over paid divas to the semi final.
I remember him missing that penalty and crying like a bitch then to add insult to injury he takes a bucket load of cash to make a pizza advert.
Officially he is being recognised for his dedication to the sport. WTF.
I know someone who has been a teacher for 40 years, where is his reward? I know someone who has been a nurse for over 30 years, where is her reward? I know someone who has swept roads for 30 years, where is his reward? The Honours list is a joke.
I haven't killed any ginger haired people for over 40 years, where is my reward?
Last night on the news it was said that the number of fat kids is increasing since they cut back on exercise classes for children so that the over weight slow ones don't feel pressured. In that case do away with maths and science so the stupid kids don't feel pressured either.
I am currently heading Coastal (grrr) and I am reminded of something I read in the paper last week.
This guy wrote to the Guardian newspaper to complain that on the recommendation of their film critic he watched a suggested film. He wrote 'I sat through an hour and 40 minutes of total and utter boredom and no longer trust your critic'.
Don't know about you but if I am totally bored after 20 minutes I switch over. Having said that, this guy lives in a Coastal area so is probably to daft to work the remote control.
Ryanair has once again been voted a crappy airline. I don't suppose the guy who owns it cares, he is still making a fortune from the muppets who keep using his company.
One woman wrote that she has used Ryanair about a dozen times and each time she has been disgusted by the service.
Well madam, more fool you. If I don't like it the first time, I might try a second time and if it still sucks then I will pay a bit more and try another airline.
I am currently heading to the Sunshine Coast and it is dark cold and wet. I doubt if I will see one shred of common sense there as everyone seems to love walking around wearing crocs and shorts all year round trying to catch seagulls at the train station.
On a brighter note, dry January is going well for me, not for the people I keep telling I'm sober to but I just like to feel smug sometimes.
It would be interesting if the punter could get a look at the crew rooms early in the morning and see which drivers they trust. There are some very heavy eyelids at the coffee machine most mornings.
Anyway, I have am arriving at Doofus Central so I will let you know if I survive unscathed later.
Please buy my E book A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Waterloo Bridge is also known as Ladies bridge because it was built mainly by women.
la la la
Thursday, 3 January 2019
2019 SAME OLD SHIT
2019 has started and it looks like continuing like 2018. The same lazy idle workshy malingerers are still not driving trains, Donald Trump is still the world's biggest vagina, Boris Johnson still looks like something that came out of Trumps arse. Theresa May still has terrible dress sense and Corbyn needs a buy new tie and lose the anorak.
There has been an increase in migrants crossing the Channel in small inflatables which is sad and a terrible choice for them to have to make. I believe in sending them straight back but to be honest, if they can get across in a ridiculously small craft their country should call them back and put them straight into their Olympic water sports team.
Brexit is chugging along very badly and is making this great country a laughing stock.
We need to spend more on our military, more on our fire service, more on our police and pay nurses more.
We need to change the criminal justice system. If you get done for any crime, the length given should be the length served, no time off for good behaviour, if you get two years you should serve two years and life for murder should mean life.
Also, anyone being a drunken twat at A&E departments at the weekend should be sent home without treatment, the staff don't deserve that kind of abuse. Did I mention Trump is a big vag?
Getting really annoyed with Chris Grayling, was hoping he fell under a bus for Christmas, (still hoping).
My Christmas was lovely, got loads of stuff I don't need and loads of stuff I don't want.
I am going sober for January, my 5th year doing it. I like the healthy feeling it brings but I get very violent dreams when I go to bed sober, the voices in my head keep telling me who to kill, shoot or set on fire.
Played golf today and played really well (if really well means like a one armed blind man).
Sky Movie channel is disappointing. They boast a new movie every day but it's either a cartoon or arty farty foreign subtitled one and I like to watch my films not read them.
Most of the football pundits reckon this season Liverpool will win it. My Spurs mate said he can't wait to see Spurs lift the trophy. I told him he had more chance of seeing a white Uber driver.
My Korean neighbours have invited me to a BBQ, this weekend which is strange because I thought they would still be upset that their dog went missing yesterday.
Anyway, I am going out so you lot can go and amuse yourselves for the time being.
If you are Wesley, don't mention his hair. He says he is mid 30s but the hair says otherwise.
Please buy my E book, A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Arnold Sweatynickers earned £20,000 per word for his role in Terminator 2. (nearly as much as a tube driver).
There has been an increase in migrants crossing the Channel in small inflatables which is sad and a terrible choice for them to have to make. I believe in sending them straight back but to be honest, if they can get across in a ridiculously small craft their country should call them back and put them straight into their Olympic water sports team.
Brexit is chugging along very badly and is making this great country a laughing stock.
We need to spend more on our military, more on our fire service, more on our police and pay nurses more.
We need to change the criminal justice system. If you get done for any crime, the length given should be the length served, no time off for good behaviour, if you get two years you should serve two years and life for murder should mean life.
Also, anyone being a drunken twat at A&E departments at the weekend should be sent home without treatment, the staff don't deserve that kind of abuse. Did I mention Trump is a big vag?
Getting really annoyed with Chris Grayling, was hoping he fell under a bus for Christmas, (still hoping).
My Christmas was lovely, got loads of stuff I don't need and loads of stuff I don't want.
I am going sober for January, my 5th year doing it. I like the healthy feeling it brings but I get very violent dreams when I go to bed sober, the voices in my head keep telling me who to kill, shoot or set on fire.
Played golf today and played really well (if really well means like a one armed blind man).
Sky Movie channel is disappointing. They boast a new movie every day but it's either a cartoon or arty farty foreign subtitled one and I like to watch my films not read them.
Most of the football pundits reckon this season Liverpool will win it. My Spurs mate said he can't wait to see Spurs lift the trophy. I told him he had more chance of seeing a white Uber driver.
My Korean neighbours have invited me to a BBQ, this weekend which is strange because I thought they would still be upset that their dog went missing yesterday.
Anyway, I am going out so you lot can go and amuse yourselves for the time being.
If you are Wesley, don't mention his hair. He says he is mid 30s but the hair says otherwise.
Please buy my E book, A Clean Week.
Here is an interesting fact, Arnold Sweatynickers earned £20,000 per word for his role in Terminator 2. (nearly as much as a tube driver).
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
THE POPE
The Pope is to resign. Got to be honest, I really don't care. Whatever the reason, be it his health or his age or maybe he is just bored of wearing a dress and meeting poor people. I was obviously a little surprised because Popes don't usually resign, they are usually pushed around in a trolley being made to do all the stuff that Popes do until the last bit of dribble has left their lips. Do you remember the last Pope? They carted him all over the globe with dribble and snot leaking from his face and probably a full incontinance pad under his skirt until he finally stopped breathing. At least the current Pope has given his notice, now the sensible thing to do would be to appoint a new Pope so that one can leave on friday and the other start on the monday. This current Pope is 85, in any job its a bit much to ask someone to do a full shift. And what with his advanced age it must have been extremely difficult chasing and catching alter boys. Anyway, he has done the right thing in my opinion, let someone younger fly around the world meeting strangers and racking up airmiles. Let this current Pope retire to a nice rest home with a few hand picked choir boys to keep him happy until he pops off to the big church in the sky. I say we should get someone way younger, someone like the Fonz. Can you imagine how cool that would be? And it would certainly boost the church's image. I don't understand why a lot of people were crying at the news, maybe they are just sad people who were crying just to be on telly. Anyway I am available to take up the job if they want me but I still say a Fonz like character is the way forward. Whatever happens, what are the odds of than dim wit Beckham sticking his unwanted opinion in the media. His new advert for his brand of pants was just that, pants. He used a front double, a bum double, someone else dived into the pool and did the swimming he just stood there with his misspelt tattoos looking gormless. please buy my E book, A Clean Week. Here is an interesting fact, the bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps. La la la.
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